Wow! This was such a great time! And with this past Saturday, this year's birthday got bumped into the number one slot. This is the best birthday I've had so far, a week-long Sugu-gras! (Thank you Hancher!) And now, the birthday celebration is finally over. Phew!

The last part of the celebration started on Friday. I cut kendo and grabbed the first train over to Tiffany's place with the intention of decorating Friday night and part of Saturday morning. We had planned (Tiffany had organized and pulled it all together) to have a birthday/Halloween costume party. For the previous few weeks, we had done a lot of prep and planning. It was time. The gravestones. Jason Voorhees. The ghost. CD's. The Rubik's cube. Since it's around Halloween (Tiffany's favorite holiday), Tiffany suggested I meet her at the local video rental store. 'We could rent some scary movies for entertainment if people wanted.' Ok. I stopped at the ATM and then went across the street to the store. I saw her on the steps, she was anxious to see me. We walked to the horror section and perused the movie selection. I stated my opinion on certain movies, looked through the racks of videos, apparently I saw a black eye focused on me (it didn't register at all), and was actually trying to think about movies while Tiffany is trying really hard to keep a straight face. Of course, I was so oblivious and tired that I never noticed anything out of the ordinary. I was too engrossed in the videos. And then I looked up and saw her.

Surprise #7,563: The White Woman

There was a tall white woman wearing a red shirt and jeans in front of me. In Kosai, a very small city next to Hamamatsu, there ARE no foreigners except for the Brazilians and the ALT, (who this year is Tiffany). But this white girl was holding a camera in a very familiar pose. In fact, come to think of it, she looked a little familiar too. In fact, she looked like Rachel. 'Ah, too bad she couldn't have made it. It would have been a lot of fun with her around.'

Wait a minute, it IS Rachel! Holy crap! She came all the way from Yamagata (check out my visit to her city here.) just for the weekend to celebrate my birthday! And she had to have her blasted video camera with her! Somewhere in this world there is a video of me looking like a complete goober trying to understand how Rachel made it to my party when she assured me she couldn't! What a surprise! She was here! She made it! Apparently, she and Tiffany arranged it all to surprise me and give me a great shock. It was so cool. I know that it takes a lot to surprise me. Tiffany has found this out as well, I was so taken aback, that it took much of dinner to get me to realize what happened that Rachel was actually standing in front of me! Between Rachel surprising and Tiffany throwing the party for me, well, it was an incredible weekend.

The Movies, Okonomiyaki, and Interesting Shaped Crepes

We ended up with Juon: The Grudge (the English version with Sarah Michelle Gellar), the original Friday the 13th, and Freddy vs. Jason. Rachel had refused to watch Juon because of the trailer, but Tiffany and I wanted to see it, so we persuaded her that it would be ok. After all, she would be with us! How bad could it be? Then we went to have okonomiyaki for dinner.

Rachel had eaten okonomiyaki before (virtually every foreigner who has lived in Japan has had it at least once), but she had never before cooked it herself. The restaurants had always done that bit for her. I found that the only time I liked that was in Hiroshima where it wasn't mashed together at all, but layered. She got the bowl filled with all the stuff, and asked us what to do.

Take the big wooden spoon that came with it and mash that stuff all together! Break the egg yolk (if you want, of course)! Mix it all up into one gooey mess! Then put a little at a time on the grill. And she loved it! She noticed that Tiffany and I were putting on the mayonnaise, even though I myself usually hate the stuff. But on okonomiyaki, it's good. So she tried that too. And she loved it!

I was stunned through most of dinner, but we were about halfway through our little bowls when it really hit me that Rachel was in fact here in Hamamatsu (Kosai) visiting me for my birthday. I just smiled this big ol' giddy smile and thanked her for coming. At that point, she reached into her bag and gave me her birthday present. I wasn't expecting one at all. Her arrival was more than enough for a gift, but there it was, this wrapped paper around CD cases. It was 3 DVDs of all our adventures together, starting from the beginning in Tokyo and ending with the trip in Yamagata, including the concert in December and our random trip around the southern bit of Japan.

Later that night, mainly out of morbid curiosity, we put in the DVD of our first night in Tokyo. Wow, were we dumb then! Everythign looked so foreign and our comments were so...inane. Our amazement at the Japanese language (Rachel and I had never studied Japanese prior and I had only just learned the hiragana). Our "inability" to ride a simple train a few stops (we were totally fine, but we didn't know that). Our scared faces. Our first taiko experience.

But this was later in the evening. Back at the okonomiyaki restaurant, as we finished dinner, we spied the group of students next to us having fun using the okonomiyaki grill to make crepes. Cool. We had never noticed that particular dessert item (not that we've ever actually eaten dessert in the restaurant anyway) nor ever made crepes, so (because we're all the adventurous sort) we felt compelled to order one and show these Japanese people up. We're Americans! Anything you can do, we can do better!

Yeah, that was a bad idea. One of our versions ended up looking fairly phallic. The others didn't actually cook at all, nevermind into a shape. Finally, we decided pride be damned, let's ask somebody what to do. And just that moment, the waiter, who was probably laughing at us the whole time, stepped forward and used the rest of the batter to make one small crepe the right way. Great. But it was delicious of sorts. We've had better, but it was cool to make it yourself.

Quality Assurance and Product Testing

And so, back home, Rachel and I decided that we needed to test some products for the party. After all, we don't want to give our party guests inferior product, do we? We opened the packet of graham crackers and ripped open a slab of our high quality chocolate, with the rationale that if the Hershey's Extra Creamy worked well, then the Japanese Meiji and Crunky would be fine. Rachel had to test the marshmallows before we could even start the fire, since it is possible for a brand new bag of would spoil the second it opened. Tiffany rolled her eyes and continued to help prepare for the party. We lit the gas stove and skewered the marshmallows on our newly stripped wire hangers.

Those s'mores were oh so good. We had a few setbacks though. At first, the marshmallows didn't melt the chocolate enough. So we had to try another. But then the marshmallows were burnt to a crisp, which is how Rachel likes them. Of course, in the name of science and education, we couldn't technically enjoy them until the party, but we had to experiment with different techniques of roasting so that our form was perfect for the party...and we just wanted a few more.

After we tested the product, we joined Tiffany in preparing the party. She wanted to finish the Rubik's cube, and I designed the crappy gravestones. Rachel took responsibiltiy for making the stuffed Jason Voorhees. The plan was to have a huge life size Jason (using my good clothes! What does that tell you about my clothing choices?) sitting at the base of the stairs to greet our guests. The gravestones were to be in the overgrown backyard. Tiffany had stopped weeding the yard so they would grow big and create that old unkempt look. If I had more time and an artistic brain, I would have done a much better job of the gravestones to justify such a cool looking spooky yard. Tiffany then got to work on her costume and we put on the scariest movie we had, Juon.

Toshio!: A Movie Review

Because of the trailer, Rachel was already frightened for this movie. Tiffany had seen the Japanese version and was frightened for this one. Because Tiffany was frightened, I was frightened. This movie was supposed to be amazing! Rachel had sheets wrapped around her because (she says she was cold) the trailer was so scary. But the more the movie progressed, the harder we laughed. It was just a bad movie.

First, it was over-dependent on the music. A movie should not rely on the soundtrack to keep things eerie and mysterious. The music should accentuate what was already there. If you watch the film with no music, it gets really laughable.

The special creepy effects were good, but were random too. They had no connection to the story as a whole. For example, the naked kid on every floor from the elevator. Cool, creepy effect, but had NOTHING to do with the movie. In fact, the kid wasn't even the one the one that killed the woman in the elevator! Early in the film, they showed a woman's jawbone, then they showed the murder victim missing a jaw with her tongue lolling out. So what?! Why did the killers remove her jaw? That makes no sense. The killer(s) could travel around not just the house, but around the world too. WHY?! And if that's the case, what are they killing for? Shouldn't they be on a killing spree?

In the end, the characters were no more developed than when we first met them. Sarah Michelle Gellar, casted as the lead character, was stony throughout the whole thing. Her lover was a peabrain. I am glad it took place in Tokyo, where the original was set, but of course now, I have no sympathy for anyone who can't survive in Japan. They showed this woman being really scared and alone in Tokyo, trying to go grocery shopping and not being able to read the kanji or Japanese. But it ISN'T that confusing! There are pictures on everything and it's all very foriegn and strange anyway! Another movie that does injustice to living in Japan is Lost in Translation. If you don't want to EVER talk to another person, than these movies depict accurate life. If however, as is the case most of the time, a native comes up and asks if they can help in PERFECT ENGLISH, then you have nothing to worry about.

The Party

We spent most of Saturday morning preparing for the party. Tiffany continued working on her costume, Rachel continued trying to make Jason sit straight. She shoved a broom in his back and attached our makeshift head to a tea bottle around the broom, but it made him look like he was from the African tribe that stretches necks out. She put some scarves on him, and the weight of the stuffing traveled south to give him midget legs. And we shoved boxes in his chest to give him that traditional look...of a box. But it was still cool. And I was relegated to everything else. I hung up the ghost in the shower. I hung up the sign, wanting to put the doorbell through the hole that we burned in it. Turns out that worked out really well.

With the extra rope, I thought it would be neat to make a noose out of it to hang over the door, so it would drop whenever someone walked in. But I didn't know how to tie a noose! How often was I going to need THAT particular piece of information? So I went online and did a google search for instructions. Ah, the irony of what happened next. It turns out that there are many resources for tying a noose, but they seem to be linked to white supremacist groups. Fun! So as I'm reading how that since swing dancing came back, lynching will come back (I'm not making this up) and how a lynch mob saves the taxpayers time and money (Oh do I wish this is fiction) while tying a miniature noose. The site was even talking about different ropes you can order to do multiple hanging at once! There was this company that made rope so strong it could hang a car. This was getting disturbing and I was glad to have finished the knot. Everyone else noted how professional it looked and it looked disturbingly real. When I told people where I got it, they all cringed a bit. But the noose was too good to just leave alone. We hanged the bear.

Around 3:30 pm, the party started when Blair showed up in costume and bringing presents. He wore a red bow tie with suspenders, and he wore goofy glasses. Rachel had dressed up as a Japanese Basketball Player, with the difference being her hair was down. Apparently all of her teammates on the basketball team wear the hair down while playing. I bet they also take out their little pocket mirror and check their makeup too after every shot. Tiffany was a mermaid and I was the fisherman that caught her. Awwww. Isn't that just sweet and cute and romantic and sweet?

Blair even brought a gift, though I did not make that a requirement for the party. He got me Batman Begins on DVD! Sweet. But we soon found out that we couldn't take him seriously at all with the glasses on. It was bizarre talking to someone with those eyes. But then he produced a second bag and had me make a choice. A big huge can of beer (3 liters of Asahi Dry) or a little shot glass of beer (I'm serious. Japan sells these little tykes with only about a shot of beer in it!) I was going to choose the big boy (of course) but since I had other alcohol, I gave him the big mamma. It was to be a fateful decision.

We broke out the newly acquired Simpsons' Treehouse of Horror Monopoly board (check it out here) and started playing. I had to be Comic Book Guy as the Collector, of course. Andy then showed up, and he was good to play, so we dealt him in. We gave him three free turns and he had to pay on every one of them. What a start to the game. But one of the things that happens with Monopoly is that if there are many people playing, then nobody can get a monopoly on any one color. The chances are too great that somebody else will get just one to prevent a monopoly. It was going to be a long game. Kevin showed up next bringing the supplies (paper plates, forks, spoons, and such, plus wine) but he didn't really want to be dealt in the game. So we let him choose the movie to put on. Heather (she got Pop Tarts and Mac & Cheese for me!) was next to arrive and she also didn't want to play, but now the party was starting to really get underway. And eventually, the game crumbled. I sold all of Tiffany's property to me for $5, Andy dealt with her money. Blair was granted almost full immunity from me and I from him. Tiffany went to make spaghetti for everyone while we all talked and chatted. Actually, Heather went with her and chatted while the rest of the boys acted like typical men and stayed in the game room. Andy, however, was the first to walk up to her and help make the spaghetti.

This was around 6:00 at night, and the bell rang some more. Chris (who brought a bottle of wine) managed to take some time away from his new baby, joined the fray first and then not long after Andy had to leave, Mike, his girlfriend, Kazumi, and two other ALTs, Jane, and Dylan walked in. We talked for a bit and made s'mores, and it was great introducing the dessert to all the non-Americans who hadn't heard of them. Kevin exclaimed when he had the first bite,"Where have these been all my life?!"

We started to get the Pictionary game board ready, but as quickly as they arrived, Mike and company had to leave too. So Tiffany, Rachel, Chris, Kevin, and I started to play Pictionary and Blair, though he was interested, passed out on the couch. After much very bad drawing and even worse guessing, Tiffany, Rachel, and I won and conquered our foes! Go, Team, Go!

Nobody, except Blair (who polished off the huge can of beer plus about half a bottle of wine), got really drunk. In fact, I think grand total, even I had only three drinks over the course of ten hours. So, everyone was able to make it home, except Rachel, who had traveled a long way and Blair who had fully passed out on the couch. We talked Kevin into staying the night so the party could go on past the last train. We started to watch Batman Begins but we were all fading fast and sleeping. It was barely midnight.

The After Party

Blair woke up first and discovered that Rachel had drawn a uni brow on him. He left at about 8:00 am back to his home. Tiffany and I thanked him for coming and saw him off, but we stayed awake chatting. But when I turned on my computer, it was like Pavlov's dogs as Rachel had woken up, walked in and joined us. She was to leave at about 3 pm, and she wanted to take advantage of every minute with us. So we looked up the train times and somehow, I managed to get her to stay for an additional two hours! Ha ha! Yeah me and my temptation ability!

Then Kevin waltzed in, having been woken up by Rachel's alarm clock which just kept going and going. He kept insisting he had to go, but Tiffany, Rachel, and I started tempting him too. But he wouldn't have it. He left almost right away, leaving the two women and I alone again. We spent the morning cleaning Tiffany's now destoryed place. There were cushions thrown all over the place, crumbles of food, dirty dishes, trash that needed to be picked up, Jason needed dismantling, etc.

In the afternoon we called Aaron so he and Rachel and I could talk, but I totally forgot to give the phone over to Tiffany. Oh well. There will be next time. Then we went to an Italian place that served decent Japanese-style pizza, and then....made more s'mores. By that time, it was time for her to leave, so we went to the station and saw her off.

It was a blast, Rachel! I'm glad you two could pull it off and actually surprise me! I know how hard it is, so I'm really glad you did it! Thanks for coming, and hopefully we'll be at your next party!

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Well, I guess the "secret" is now out. My birthday was on Wednesday this year. I wasn't exactly trying to keep it secret, just didn't want to make a huge deal of it. However, with Tiffany wanting to throw me a party (actually, I didn't object at all), I thought that was enough. But last weekend, as you can probably tell from the update below, Tiffany managed to throw me a special birthday weekend surprise. But on the day of, I woke up to the smell of cinnamon. Tiffany made cinnamon French toast! What a way to start the day! They were awesome too!

Then at school, I told two teachers. Classes were cut, because all the students were practicing for their concert, so I walked around listening to the different classes sing their little hearts out. Well, one of them has in their chorus, "Happy Birthday to you!" I just smiled and laughed at the little irony of that one, but the students thought I was laughing at them. So I had to apologize and say what I thought was funny. Well, then they all clapped and yelled "Happy Birthday Mr. Sugu!"

Well, throughout the rest of that day, every student I passed (around 100) yelled a hearty "Mr. Sugu Happy Birthday!" to me. Yikes! Word gets around about this little foreigner. I better stay on my best behavior!

I had to leave school early to go to the Board of Education (my main office. This is my bosses' bosses' bosses' bosses' bosses' bosses' boss) because they were doing a listening test and they needed my beautiful sultry voice. Actually, I think they only chose me because I'm male and with an American accent, but no matter. My boss showed me the device they were planning to use to record not just mine, but three Japanese teachers and a partner for the male voice, a female. On a little voice recorder. And my boss told me that they needed to make sure it was completely quiet because that microphone picks up everything. Well, shoot, I had to open my (as Rachel said) big fat mouth.

I offered my computer and Tiffany's microphone (which has noise cancellation) and offered to work with them on it. After they had a fit that I was using technology for the betterment of education in Japan, we went to a quiet room and started recording. Two years ago, the whole process took four hours. Last year, the process took about an hour less than that. This year, with me at the helm, I cut it down to an hour and a half. And I could've done it in even less time! So that felt good, making the efficient Japanese even more efficient. Hee hee!

The Important Bit

Tiffany had been waiting half patiently (the other half threatening to give it to me early) to give me my birthday present. Finally, the day came and she was brimming over in excitement. Unfortunately she had to stay late at her school to finish some work, but she arrived as soon as she could. When we finally got together, I gave her a big hug and kiss and she raced past me to get the present. She presented a box to me with a long flat object behind it. Oh-kay. The box said in Japanese (Simpsons' mug). Another one, I thought. Cool. They must have different types. (She got a Simpsons mug prior). But I opened the box to reveal...little houses. In bright blue and green. Hmmmmm. But then I saw some other familiar things. Paper money. Deeds for property. Little game tokens, except these tokens were Simpsons characters and they glowed in the dark. And the pieces were from various Halloween episodes. Then she presented the long flat object. The board. That's right, folks, she got me The Simpsons Treehouse of Horror Monopoly game! Oh, it's sooo cool. We're going to play it over the weekend!

Then we went to a good yakiniku restaurant, the one where we took Sajo and Dad to, as opposed to the crap one we went to in Toyohashi. And for dinner, we finally found a winning combination! Usually when we go, we get mostly good things, but one meat dish is extra fatty or too salty or something. But we boldly keep trying new things...well, because it's really good! But this time everything was good! The two meat dishes, the salty cabbage, the kimchi, the sanchu, everything!

It was getting late after dinner and we both had to teach the next day (I have to teach the whole day, no breaks, every Thursday), so we packed it up and ended the birthday bash for this night.

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Because my birthday is approaching, Tiffany did something special for me this weekend, but as is typical with my life, it turned out to be a new and different adventure. She wouldn't tell me at all what we were doing, where we were going, nothing. She's learned that the best way to surprise me is to leave me absolutely no clues. If she tries to leave a hint, I'll try (and usually succeed) in figuring out the surprise. But for my birthday, she was determined to surprise me at least once, but most likely more than that. She's dangling my present in front of me just enough that I'm aware it exists, but not long enough that I can actually see or think about what it is. Anyway...

Surprise #1: The Trip

First we went to the train station, so I figured that we were leaving. We got on the platform, so that told me where we were headed, but to help her along, I decided to stop thinking and just let it ride. We got on the train and I fell asleep so I couldn't keep track of where we were. She bought my train ticket, so I didn't even know about how long it would take. We got off the platform, and of course I had to look around a bit. We were in Nagoya! She took me to the place where we first went on a date! Awwwwwww.....

Surprise #2: Lunch

I did ruin this surprise a bit. Since Tiffany didn't tell me a thing about the day's plan, I thought I'd suggest a place for lunch, in case she hadn't planned it. She did and it was exactly what I suggested. Does she know me well or what? At the station, I said, "Hey, babe, if you don't have lunch planned for us, how about dim sum?"

I will never forget the glare she gave me as I totally outguessed her. Woops. But we went and she took me out to dim sum! It was so good.

Surprise #3: Nagoya...bookstore

The next surprise, I outguessed too. "Hey babe, if you have nothing planned, we can go to the castle, just like we wanted to way back when we first met!"

"Will you stop it?!" she exclaimed in exasperation. Woops. But when we got to the door and felt the blistering wind and how cold it was, well, we ended up walking back inside Nagoya station to the bookstore and looked at the massive selection of English books. Then, on the spur of the moment, I took her out for ice cream. I got a nice chestnut, pear, and cassis cup and Tiffany got pumpkin and cream (don't even ask about the pumpkin ice cream. Apparently, it's good)

Surprise #4: A Barrelful of Unexpected Adventures

Tiffany had maintained that dinner was fixed. There was no changing it. And for the love of everything good, stop guessing! So, I let off guessing dinner plans. But somehow, (thanks goes to those many years of my life spent playing MYST and other puzzle games), I guessed it again that we were going to Sakae Station and to eat at Arabian Rock again. (For a recount of the last time, check out this archive.)

But when we got there, I was all excited to order that drink with the rose petal in it, we discovered to our chagrin that there was a two hour wait. D'oh! Ok, so we talked about our options, and at this point, the game was up. Tiffany had to unfold her hand so we could figure out a backup plan together. Our two options were these:

One: Wait the two hours by playing pool, eat at Arabian Rock, and stay at a nearby love hotel (the first one we ever went to, Hotel Grace in Okazaki).
Two: Take a gamble and an adventure by heading to Toyohashi (a city on the way back to Hamamatsu), finding a good restaurant, and finding a decent love hotel.

Because we're both the adventurous sort, we decided not to have the peaceful stable meal we've already had, but try something new. It was, as it turned out, a fateful decision. Toyohashi, it seems, is a ghost town, yet it is a proper city, about 40 minutes away by train from Hamamatsu. It's essentially the midpoint between Nagoya and Hama. It's smaller than Hamamatsu, but when we arrived at 8:00 pm, it was dead. Nobody in the streets on a Saturday. Stores were closed. Restaurants deserted. It was eerie, especially since we were nowhere near late in arriving.

Wandering around for a half hour, we settled on this pub that served Guiness, so we stopped in and had a quick appetizer trying to think about the next step. We finally decided to have Yakiniku, one of our favorite foods. Dad and Sajo had it when they were here, and they seemed to like it. You can read about that here, but the pictures are much better viewing.

Asking for directions in Japan (and in Japanese, for that matter) is a harrowing tale, and somehow it was so difficult to go across the street and down a block that the bartender said not to worry, that he'll lead us. Cool. Nice guy! Toyohashi was looking pretty good if the service level is that high!

But it was not to last. The yakiniku place served more fat than meat. The attitude was atrocious. The waitress seemed to be bothered to get a simple bowl to split some bibinba (Korean awesome rice dish), and the Kimchi (Korean pickled vegetables) was not very delicious. We were still hungry but we wanted to get out of there.

It was about time to head to a love hotel and try to catch some sleep, so we walked over to where we saw a few in the distance. Love hotels are ridiculously easy to spot. Again, look in the future for my treatise on love hotels. I just need to finish writing it.

So we checked into one, and walked into the room. And looked around. And quivered. And made disgusting noises. There was a thick layer of dust on all the furniture. Everything was done in this red velvet, the walls too. There was a draping red velvet curtain next to the bed that a stalker could easily hide behind. Peeling back the curtain revealed a plain undecorated wall. There were mirrors everywhere. Nothing was stocked in the room. The wallpaper was peeling. And the worst part: A glance into the trash bin next to the toilet. There were the remnants of...ummm...feminine hygiene products there. Used. Red. Ugh.

Complaining is a bit unheard of in Japan, but this was definitely justified. But how the hell could I do it? How could Tiffany? What could we say? What solution did we want? And as we talked about it more and more, we realized there was something definitely spooky in that room. It felt like there was a ghost in there, one who would murder us in our sleep. One who looked like a Japanese Vincent Price. Yeah, we couldn't stay in that room.

So Tiffany called her brother Tim, who is fully fluent. I called the front desk to try and negotiate something in very bad Japanese. Eventually, I got around to just saying, "I'm sorry, but my Japanese is not good. Therefore, it is very difficult for me to talk on the phone. I can speak much easier in person. Is it ok if you come up to the room and see what I'm talking about? Then is it possible for us to just leave and get a refund? Please help us. Take care of us."

She came up and as I started pointing out the problems (which she did apologize profusely for), Tiffany motioned to me and I just put the woman on the phone with Tim. This had to be an awkward moment for him, so I thank him deeply for all his help. He talked to her and together we came to an arrangement. The room was bad, so she agreed to let us change rooms. She went back downstairs to find out what room was available and called back.

We changed rooms to a room with starlight wallpaper that glittered in the light. A much better room. No ghostly feelings. But we didn't want to talk about that hellish room until we were far away from it, like back home. The new room was still dingy, but it looked like it would be the best one they had, so we made do.

But then I was woken up to this strange hooting outside the window. I stood up (waking up Tiffany in the process) and tried peeking out the window, but it was painted black. Eventually, I figured out that we were on the blasted roof top and the pigeons were causing a ruckus at 6:33 am! AAAAAAAAaaaargh!!!! After that, we just wanted to get the hell out and fast. I don't think we've EVER gotten ready that fast and just rushed out of there. We had enough of Toyohashi.

When the elevator came, the door opened and another couple was inside. The guy looked normal, staring at the numbers in the elevator, not making any eye contact, but looking normal. But the woman! As soon as she saw two foreigners waiting also for that elevator, she covered her eyes and looked down. Huh? I wanted to go in anyway and make her uncomfortable for the whole ride of the elevator, but Tiffany pulled me back. She's my conscience now. We took the stairs.

It was odd, but when we got off the train in Kosai (where Tiffany lives), we felt like a tremendous weight had been lifted. Like the depression of Toyohashi was obliterated by being back home. That was Tiffany's first four surprises and I can't wait to see what else she's done!

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I have been equipped in my Corridor with a washing machine. Now, when I saw washing machine, I mean a big box that plugs into the wall and pours water over clothes and soap. That's it. Sometimes it spins, but mostly it complains that there is too much water in the machine. It's like a cat, afraid of getting wet, apparently. Anyway, for the past year, as it complained, I just calmly turned it off, then back on, and that seemed to start it's draining process again, but it would only drain one liter at a time (it's a 45 liter capacity). So, on the one hand, it complains that there is too much water, but on the other hand, it's preparing for a drought by storing all the dirty water from my clothes. Nice.

For a year, I accepted this with...a certain Zen-like tranquility. Then recently, something happened that forced my Americanness to come out and try to get the cursed thing fixed. My patience was finally at an end. I wanted to start my laundry and have a life too. I didn't want to stand next to the washing machine turning it off then on for a few hours. Seriously, one load would take about three hours to do. Again, needless to say, doing laundry was limited to one load a day, usually hanging clothes up to dry well after sunset. So I would have wait twice as long for clothes. Why am I telling you this?

Wednesday, October 19, 2005: A Repairman finally came to my house and looked at the washer. He did confirm that the washing machine had a strange penchant for not draining, so he unplugged it, installed a new one, and tried that. Lo and behold, the same problem happened. So he told me (and my boss who was with me) that the problem is in the pipes and that they'll arrange to have the pipes cleaned (for all you There's Something About Mary lovers) while I'm at school the next day. While my boss is making arrangements on the phone and I'm staring dumbly at the thing, the repair man decided to be nice and drain the new washing machine outside the door.

The repairman, trying to be a little helpful, stuck his screwdriver into the pipe to see how hard the blockage was. Turned out it was pretty hard. Absolutely no give whatsoever. Confused, he looked in and explained the Japanese equivalent of "Eureka!" He pulled out a cup. A solid freaking cup! Of course, the cup was moldy as all hell, but that's why it couldn't drain! The water was being blocked!

After some talking with the landlady (remember her from the Census story? I bet she loves me now), we found out that those cups were installed when the apartment was brand new to prevent dirt and grime falling into the pipe to make a real clog. Well, when they installed the washing machine, somebody forgot to take out my cup. That means that every single person who lived there before me (at least two people, all guys) patiently dealt with the crappy washing machine! I think too that everyone before me only lived there a year, about how much I took it. But the repairman, after discovering that without the cup, EVERYTHING drained much faster, left me with the NEW washing machine! It's beautiful. It washes my clothes! And it plays ridiculous music. Ah, Japan's customer service.

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We saw Fantastic 4, finally, after being delayed for international reasons for too long. Then after the movie finished, we decided to forget being smart and see the other movie we were waiting to see...Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. So here is my two cents on the movies.

Fantastic 4

SPOILERS!!!!

ONE BATTLE?! One all-out, gloves off, teeth bared, muscles flexed battle royale?! That's it?! Four superheroes, one awesome villain (in theory) and all we get is ONE battle?! Grrrrrr... Only at the end did everyone combine their forces and make a cool attempt. Of course, even that ONE battle was drastically flat. Dr. Doom managed to clobber everyone once and then they all took care of him. Yeesh.

That aside, the acting was...mediocre. The action was...mediocre. The special effects were...all right, they were pretty good, but seriously, in all honesty, was anybody else annoyed at Jessica Alba's acting ability (whiny, no real depth) or is it just me? She really didn't convey much emotion to the screen and I'm still not sure what the hell the hackneyed romance story was all about. And I know many men are going to take away my Testosterone membership card for saying this, but I really don't find her that attractive. I've also noticed how in this movie and in her other one about the surfing treasure hunters, she tends to show her breasts and cleavage in the vain hope that nobody will notice just how bad of an actress she really is. Why should her space suit allow total cleavage while the men are in Ivy League turtlenecks? And you know that the writers had her strip down to her underwear while invisible then become visible just for the gawking drooling adolescent boys who are just aching for a glimpse. But I digress. I personally really don't object to skin, to showing anything. However, Alba's skin showing is apparently more important than her acting and that I mind.

So this movie was just a tad off the comic books wasn't it? Just a bit. Like Dr. Doom actually turning to metal instead of being incredibly smart, albeit disfigured. What was that? And the fact that he comes from Latveria came as a bit of a throwaway phrase didn't it, just to make sure at the end, we knew he was being deported. Oh, and what DOES happen to metal when it is supercooled?

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

What a fun movie! A little darker than the zanier version with Gene Wilder called, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. Johnny Depp plays a Michael Jackson inspired Willy Wonka with perfect teeth and no color in his face (from living in the factory for so long). The Oompa Loompas are all played by an Indian called Deep Roy and the level of special effects for those shots was really good. Not only did they have to have this guy much shorter than everyone else, they also copied his face (possibly body) doing different things at the same time. Basically, CGI cloning. What's interesting is we've seen it all before, right? Lord of the Rings cloned very well. And in making people appear smaller, they did a good job with doubles and the like. But with this movie, it was unbelievably believable that the oompa loompas existed and were smaller than everyone else. Wow!

Apparently, the old Gene Wilder movie strayed from the book in a lot of ways, but this one was closer, so now I'm curious and will probably try to seek out the original book by Roald Dahl. But definitely, overall, a good flick. I may even buy the DVD one day.

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In August, I started working privately with a student. She was competing in the local speech contest, so she had a speech ready in English, and I was to work with every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, until the contest. We worked hard for the rest of the summer and then during the beginning of the term. When the time came for the competition, she stood up and performed and proudly took 2nd place! Well, then she was able to compete in the city-wide tournament, so we worked again, harder, polishing up her speech and the finer points. I was able to see her competition, and she took 2nd again! Now, she's eligible to compete in the whole prefecture. Everyone in the whole prefecture was going to be there, and this was of course, a big deal.

I got to go to Shizuoka (the capital, where the competition would be held) and see her perform and wish her luck. Unfortunately, she was over time in her speech and that dropped her out of the running, but I am very proud of her nonetheless. Congratulations, Hitomi!

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Tiffany and I spent the weekend in Shizuoka (the capital of my prefecture) with her brother, Tim, for a work conference called JALT, or Japan Association of Language Teachers. This is basically a huge gathering of foreigners all come together to talk in English about their universities and colleges. That's right, they were almost all university professors teaching English in Japan. Tiffany and I stood out a lot as I teach junior high school and she teaches high school. But oh well. On with the show!

Day 1 Conference

We took the train to Shizuoka, registered ourselves and ended up spending the day talking to each other. We actually didn't see too many seminars that were relevant to us so Tiffany and Tim got caught up while I added my own random stories and anecdotes. Tim just bought a new e-dictionary and I'm totally jealous. I want that one, but I suppose I'll just get really good at Japanese first before I buy it, to justify owning one. The International Food Fair brought foods from all over the world like Sweden, Australia, Japan... that's it. Pretty eclectic. Swedish meatballs and Australian pot pies. As we're sitting there tasting different international cuisine, we're also just talking.

Out of nowhere, this guy comes up and asks if he can join us. Ok. No problem, since we're all fairly social people anyway and this conference is all about making contacts. I thought he had overheard our conversation and wanted to join in, but no. He just sat down and there was that odd silence for a bit as we all tried to figure out to say. Then he started complaining about the food. He was just an odd ball, but he was from Canada and had some choice phrases to say about America, which we were duty bound to defend...kinda. As true American patriots who fully believe in the religous freedom to persecute others, we felt proud to be an American and who was this Canadian to insult America? The things he was saying, like how Bin Laden's family was shuttled out of America after 9/11. And how George Bush was really not intelligent. And how America should not be in Iraq. Well, we would not stand for that. Tiffany, Tim, and I took it upon ourselves to support our president and support our troops by fully agreeing with him. That is, until he started talking about conspiracy theories. And then we just put up with him until he left.

Tim, Tiffany, and I throughout the whole day, were constantly quoting movies back and forth at rapid fire pace. Yes, they gave me a run for my money, citing older movies (80's) but I trounced them on others. So that was fun. Anyone who knows me personally knows how many movies I'll just start quoting.

The Night from Hell...but Not Really

After the conference, we all went back to the city and tried to decide what to eat and where. Since it was the first night, everyone was going to the same restaurants that were in the guidebooks, so it was all crowded. The plan was for Tiffany and I to come back to Hamamatsu at night and come back in the morning. Hamamatsu is only about 1 1/2 hours away from Shizuoka by local train, so it was pretty easy to negotiate that. However, what we didn't account for the was the sheer number of starving foreigners who were in the conference all wanting to eat and drink at the same time. It was so crowded and we tried to find a place, but to no avail. Finally, we managed to eat 9:22pm. Too late for a dinner, and meanwhile the time is pushing closer and closer. Well, it happened. Through a series of accidents, we missed the last local train back to Hamamatsu. But there were two late night trains that don't make any stops. That one ran at 12:20, so we thought we should look for a hotel in Shizuoka just in case. Tim already had a hotel booked since he was coming from Osaka, But Tiffany and I were S.O.L. Tim is fluent and he tried to help us where he could, but to no avail. The time was getting really close to the mark, so Tiffany and I said our good nights to Tim and ran back to the station, hoping to make it.

We did. The train was supposed at leave at 12:20, and we made it back to the station at 12:17. But the train was cancelled. There was no 12:20 train and the station employees kept telling us that it was useless. Stranded in Shizuoka, hotels booked, all backup plans exhausted. By this time, Tim had already met up with his colleages and our other friends were sleeping. We tried calling one, but security in Japanese hotels is so tight, there is no way we could have snuck in and slept. So Tiffany and I, after wandering around the station trying to vainly to find anything possible.

The hours crawled by. We sat in the station until an attendant told us we couldn't. We sat watching a ramen shop sell its wares to drunk customers until that got boring (you'd be surprised at how long that would really take). We sat at the bus station benches until an old lady wanted the seat (even though there were plenty of seats around. But she kept moving around anyway. She may have left after about 30 minutes because she was bored, but we didn't know. We walked out to the middle of the bus street and sat there for a bit. Then by luck, Tiffany, walking randomly, found a nice shelter that was underground and closed off. There were no homeless people around or other people who had missed the last train. We sat there and kept talking. Sleep was impossible anyway.

Recovery

We watched it get lighter from our underground tunnel and when the trains resumed running at a normal time, we walked to a convenience store and bought a quick totally unhealthy breakfast, which we then fed to the birds after eating our share. We took a train back to the conference, one stop away. Actually, Tiffany walked. I think I stumbled like a drunk person. Anyway, when we got to the site, a friend was unpacking his van at 7:00 am. He saw us and asked how we were doing. We told him the previous night experience and he straight offered his van which had a bed in the back. I know what you all are thinking, but it isn't like that at all. Get your mind out of the gutter! Anyway, with no sense of pride, we accepted his offer. He said he needed twenty minutes to clean it out but then we could have it for a few hours (the conference started at 9:05).

We went to some nearby picnic tables. Tiffany laid out four folding chairs and collapsed on her uncomfortable makeshift bed. I just collapsed on the picnic table. You'd think they were royal mattresses from the way we were sleeping, but I woke up with a start about 20 minutes later and heard Tiffany soundly snoring. I woke her up and we walked back to the van, where Patrick welcomed us in and we crashed. It was hot in there but it was great to finally get some sleep!

About three hours later, we woke up to realize that we missed the beginning of the conference, and were going to make the next one just in time if we didn't stop to clean up, which we did. So, we were late, but it wasn't that important anyway. Then we went to some good seminars that were all about games and playing them with the students. That was really worthwhile for me, and I'm wondering how many university professors are going to take those lessons back with them to their colleges.

An Early End

We decided this time we were going to find a hotel soon after the conference just so we can take a shower and get cleaned up and everything. So Tiffany and I got Tim and we went to a nearby Indian restaurant and just sat and talked for a while. By the time Tim left, it was already 9:30! So we checked into a cheap love hotel, which had a nice jacuzzi and a huge bed. Oh even though the van was a great means of support, both Tiffany and I woke up sore and in pain after sleeping there. So it did wonders for our mental health (getting necessary sleep) but alsobulte terror on our bodies (pain and sore muscles). So that jacuzzi was a welcome change, shooting water jets directly onto the sore spots and massaging them for me was awesome. They also had a spotlight in tub which would change colors. It felt so great to have a shower again and feel clean for just a moment. And no matter how hard we tried (we didn't try very hard), we could not stay awake. We tried toasting our anniversary (since we never got a chance to officially celebrate it), but we had one sip of wine and passed out.

Conference Day 3

Saturday was the first day of the conference and Tiffany, Tim, and I attended no seminars. Sunday had a lot of programs that were good and relevant for me, so I made sure we made it to those. The only ones I didn't go were at the beginning when we were sleeping in the van. But Monday were Tiffany's seminars. These were the ones that were the most relevant to her, but it felt so good to be in a bed again, we both just looked at each other and said we'll go to Tim's. Tim was actually presenting a seminar on this day, so we thought it would be fun to go there and support him. His topic was Japanese language books and learning Japanese. So not really a conference on how to teach English, but more how to learn Japanese while we're here. Very useful for me, but I am lucky in that I have Tim as a resourse almost whenever I want. I can just send him an email.

Goobers, Whiners, and Tim

His presentation went really well. Everyone who wanted to be there was listening quite intently and therefore learning a lot. But then there was this one guy. He raised his hand in the middle of Tim's speech and said (and I really wish I was making this up),

"Yeah, so, ummm. I been living in Japan for 16 years and ummmm, well, my Japanese speaking is maa maa [editors note: maa maa is Japanese for middle weight, average, that kind of thing] but my writing is not good. I think I know 200 kanji [there are 2000 kanji for average literacy and I know about 400], and they are well, really difficult. But my friend whom I know really well just wrote a textbook on Japanese and I know her and I know what kind of teacher she is. She lives in Tokyo now. Maybe I can give you a copy of her books and you can well, look through them. I don't know if you didn't see them or well they weren't goooooood or what but why aren't her books listed? [editor's compression of one of the most insane and inane mundane banal backwoods rambling purile question ever asked in the history of asking questions]"

Holy Crap. What the hell was he actually asking? Was it really relevant to the subject of how you can use Japanese texts to learn Japanese? Was there an actual question in that waste of time? Stoically, Tim and his friend carried on with their presentation, reminding people to ask questions at the end. But then that turned out to be a mistake too. We got on the subject of e-dictionaries and this woman raised her hand to say that (and again, I wish I was making this up),

"Yeah, I've been in Japan for 4 years, my husband is Japanese, and I have a daughter now. I'm living with his parents, but I bought an e-dictionary and it doesn't have the words I want. It didn't even have the word bleach!"

And then this other lady turned to her and said, "Well, the Japanese don't really use bleach." (Does that mean they wouldn't have word for it? Americans don't really use seaweed, but we still have a word that describes it) Then the original psychotic woman replied,

"Oh well, I'm trying to learn Japanese and I have a private tutor right now, but it's so expensive..." (At this point, this editor tuned her out and just groaned. Anyone else in the room want to fill in these quotes?

But apparently, the original goober also used that same e-dictionary and couldn't stand the thought of someone not liking it, so he tried jumping in on the action, trying to defend the poor e-dict. Tim wrestled control back from them and finished his speech, but when the whole thing ended, the Goober came back to me (I don't know why) and the other presenter, Mark, and just insisted that his e-dictionary is awesome. It may not have a lot of words (a fairly important point I feel) what it does with the words it has is incredible. Oh...kay, but I don't have an e-dictionary. I never got around to purchasing one yet, even though I will. I was a little lost as he was almost pointing into my chest about my e-dictionary.

Tim in Hamamatsu Again

Tim came back with us to visit Hamamatsu real quickly before he returned to Osaka, his first visit back to Hamamatsu in over a year. I felt like a little child, "Ooh, Tim, look at this, look at this, look at this over here!" We showed him Simpsons clips, What About Bob? clips, my Transformers, a puzzle, the book I'm reading, my Corridor, A crepe place, Pepper Lunch, Safari Bar, Tertullia. We went to Tertullia for dinner and gained about 5 pounds each in the feast, and we almost made Tim miss the last train back to Osaka. It was fun, Tim, and we hope you come back soon!

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As a requirement for working in a Japanese company (or the Board of Education), I have to get a health check every year. Fortunately, I just got a health check before I arrived, so my first year was ok. But for my second year, I had to take time out of my classes and head over to the medical center to make sure that yes, I am still breathing on a regular basis. Of course, my Japanese isn't perfect. In fact, it's not good. There, I said it. Anyway, after the registration, I had to change into sterile garments (at least the top) and put on indoor shoes. First, they checked my chest for any problems with an x-ray machine.

The X-Ray

Philip (a colleague and friend who is fully fluent) warned me that the top light means to exhale, the middle light means to inhale and the bottom light means to breathe normally. I went to the nurse who looked absolutely frightened that she had to explain something in English. I said I was okay and to proceed. I get it. I had, after all, been told ahead of time what everything meant. And so I tried it.

She came out and asked if I was sure I understood everything, the proceeding to tell me what to do. The top light means to breathe in and hold. The middle light means there is a problem, and the bottom light means that the machine is ready to take x-rays. Yeah. So I tried it again, and she sent me merrily off to wait for the next test.

The Blood

Anyone who knows me knows that I can't stand needles. Stick with me a needle, let me watch it, and watch me hit the floor fainting. Stick me with a needle, watch me cringe in absolute fear and tension. So I'm sitting in the waiting room, waiting for my number to be called (33, if you want to know), but every time the woman comes out, she's in less state of readiness than before. When I first saw her, she came out calmly and called out the next person. Next time, she was just finishing up the touches on the vial of blood that she had just extracted. Next, she was applying the label. When she finally got around to calling me, she had the NEEDLE IN THE VIAL DEPOSITING THE BLOOD!!! I'm sure that if I had stayed a little longer, she would have called the next person while still drawing blood.

So I go in and she speaks some Japanese to me, with apparently no sympathy that I might need her to speak slowly. But thanks to Phil, I already had a translation in my head, so it should have been ok. After much chagrin and stumbling, I finally realized she wanted to flex up so she could stick me. Since I couldn't look at her gestures or anything, I suddenly realized my Japanese ability was lower, much like using a telephone. I tried telling that I was unable to look at her and to please for the love of everything good in this world to just speak slowly and carefully! I mimed what I think she might have wanted and she agreed. She wanted to relax my arm. I had been flexing the whole time and she didn't want to break the needle off inside me. I don't know how much blood she took because I was flexing for so long and Phil and I had a good laugh while I was woozy.

After that ordeal, I had my eyes checked and then had my heart checked. Those weren't anything special, just more of me apologizing and saying I don't understand.

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This year is the census in Japan. It's actually a pretty exciting time politically in Japan for us foreigners, so instead of in America, where they just mail you the form, the landlord gets all the forms for the apartment and that person has to distribute the census forms to each person. They can be pretty insistent, ringing the doorbell repeatedly until someone answers the door. Anyway, my landlord is an elderly lady who is usually pleasant. The only problem is when I ask her to speak slowly, she just pauses after the first word, then blazes through the rest of it. Therefore, it's tough to understand. WEll, she came by and gave me the census, so I went back and everything was fine. Then the doorbell rang again. Answering it was her and we started to speak. After a while I finally figured out what it was she was saying, and the following is an approximate translation into English of the ensuing conversation.

The landlady: "Hi, I'm sorry to bother you, but I need to check the envelope I gave you. It may not be for you."
Me: "Oh, do you want me to give it back to you right now?"
"Well, I only need for a moment, see, just to make sure that it's the right one."
"Ummmmm....Tomorrow would be better. Can you come by tomorrow?"
"What? No, I just gave it to you. I only want to check the envelope."
"Do you really want to come in?"
"Well, uh, no. I just want to see the envelope that I just gave you."
"Ok, come on in."
She enters the public area inside my Corridor. "Well, if you insist. I don't need to come in. Oh look, the envelope that I can see right on your bed. Can I just take a look at it?"
"I'm sorry, but my girlfriend is a little sick right now." (She wasn't, but I didn't want the landlord to inspecting the apartment.)
"Ok. I hope she feels better, but I can see the envelope right now. It's over there. Can I please just check it?"
"Well I can finish the paper now and give it to you tomorrow."

And somehow, something clicked and I understood and ran back, grabbed the census and gave it to her to check. This took about 10 minutes.

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